I have shit to do, but I’m avoiding it because it’s a snow day (2nd in a row!). Snow days are cool, especially when Mr. Peacock is snowed in too, and I’m not just talking about friction here, though that’s wonderful too. Better…well, okay not better, but just as fun as all the friction and keeping each other warm is the beer we get to drink in the middle of the day and all the talking we do before we get to friction-izing each other.
He’s had some “click” moments lately, both with regard to our relationship and with regard to patriarchy. He used to be somewhat of a patriarchy defender. He actually said to me at one point during our first year that it was natural that I do the house work because I was better at it. We should all act on our strengths, he used to say. Lately he’s been getting it. My full-time job has started AND I’m in grad school, leaving him with all the work I used to do, which I think it part of it. But it’s more than just that. Lately he’s been talking about ideas he has about what masculinity and maleness mean.
Now, Mr. Peacock is a pretty special guy, or else I wouldn’ t have bothered with marriage at all. One of the things I first fell in love with him over was his…how shall I say this…femininity? Not that really, but he just wasn’t really a man’s man, even though he looked the part. I joked early on that he was the unmanliest manly man I’d ever met. My gay friends joked that I managed to find a lesbian with a beard and a penis. I admit, we had a wicked laugh over that.
So it was great today as we sat and drank some high quality beer and scarfed down chili at a wonderful little hole in the wall in New Albany, Indiana called the New Albanian Brewing Company. It’s actually our bar, and we know it by its old name, Richo’s (we ate on the Sportstime side, for locals). I’ve been trying to convince him for months now that he needs to start his own blog, because he has some great ideas, and I really think the other half of feminism is going to be men like him leading other men into the light. Today he told me he thought he would be forty before he was ready for that (he’s 33, ftr).
Forty?!?! WTF? DUDE! We need you NOW. Maybe it’s the beer, maybe it’s the snow, maybe it’s the friction, I don’t know, but I think feminist-minded men need to organize like women are. This is a huge glaring hole as far as I’m concerned. Women have been and are organizing, and that’s wonderful, but something needs to be done so that the other side of the system is being examined and re-programmed. Women cannot do that. Men have to do that.
I started thinking about this after that wonderfully unforgiving post on Anglachel (that I can’t find now) wherein she basically told the truthiest of truths, which was that men would have to stop other men from raping, stop making rape culture permissible, and wherein a number of testosterone-driven persons exploded and got all haughty. You may recall. It came up again with the brouhaha happening over at The Confluence regarding Ali Campoverdi, an employee of the White House. Dr. Socks, as expected, is on the case.
This, among many other things, is what Mr. Peacock and I discussed over lunch beers today. It is my hope that men like him, and myiq, who I think is a wonderfully talented, insightful writer, can see their way to offering their insights to the men in their life, and to men in general. They have a point of view that is valuable to all Americans, but mostly it is women who hear them. They, like we all, have residual patriarchal markings, but they get it in a big way, in a way that most men don’t, and I wish they would try to get more men to see that big picture. Maybe if that was the focus, mistakes like yesterday wouldn’t even happen. Maybe it’s the final click.